i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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