i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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