Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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