Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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