im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize