I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
