I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
