i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
