Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
