Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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