My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
