you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
