The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My bed smells like the plague
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
