you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
