My room smells like vodka and shame
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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