Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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