Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
