Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
