my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we should paint friendship bongs
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