dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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