I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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