kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
