Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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