so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
