she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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