3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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