Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
