like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
