rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
