John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
