I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
