Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
