Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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