I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
