I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
