it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize