Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I could fuck to npr.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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