mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
