one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
