tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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