Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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