??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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