Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
