Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize