i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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