yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
