i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
