Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
