Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
