So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
did you just send me my own nude
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
