turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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