YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
