you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
