he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
