Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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