The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
