there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I touched a dick in church today
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
