I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My penis needs a shock collar
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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