WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
