I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
