this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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