Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
