I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
