Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
