Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
