Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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