I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
