Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
