the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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