theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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