You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
