After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize