I think I died a long time ago.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
