First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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